I’m here to personally get you motivated to get you into shape. Do not laugh out loud to yourself and say “round is a shape”. It is not and you are not funny. At all. Circle is a shape, and it is not an attractive body type. Neither is square for that matter, but you are taking things too literally if you are thinking like that.
You need to develop your muscles and lose weight now. If you want to be skinny like Stephen Colbert, then you need to get your nose on the grindstone. With the grindstone on your nose, you will need to begin the real long grind of working out and eating right.
You are going to learn how to lift weights like a proper man should. Back in the day people didn’t need to workout to lose weight. They were naturally lean and fit. All the men would hunt and fight their food. They’d kill protein filled animals and eat them raw. Like Gollum (and we all know he wasn’t fat). The women would gather innocent yet healthy food like fruits and vegetables. We need to go back to those olden days. The cavemen as a whole were healthier than our 2,000 era humans.
Now I’m not going to suggest that you give up on civilization, move out into the Himalayan mountains and become an 11th century health nut. I’m just saying that the way school needs teachers that’s the way you should need good diet and exercise. Start running and racing. Race the cars on your subdivision street. Pretend you’re a car in Forza.
There are an untold number of ways you can achieve ideal fitness, just like the new Dracula movie. Cut the beer. Did you know that beer causes beer bellies? If you didn’t, you need more than health guidance. You need Jesus.
Unlike Denim jean jackets, eating healthy and staying physically active doesn’t go out of style.
Pro tip: Having sexual intercourse, especially rough, is good for your health in multiple ways.
The ladies love a man with a body. A hottie with a body if you will. This is usually the number one reason for a shallow male to get fit. If you want to know how to lose weight fast for men, I’ve already told you the two secrets. EAT RIGHT. PLAY RIGHT. When I say play, I don’t mean Monopoly. I mean hit the gym hard and go harder. Kill it at the gym. Slay it like Darius. Beat it up like Ray Rice. Spank it like Adrian.
Speaking of Peterson, if you have kids and fear that they are being made fun of on the playground for being fat, you should learn how to lose weight as a kid (for the benefit of your child, or for yourself if you are a child reading this).